Fear

I had a couple of calls from the Day Care this past week. Trent's anxiety level seems to have risen. He's pacing more and starts asking when they are going to leave shortly after he gets there. He has been restless here, had periods of perseverative actions,such as the raking or rinsing dishes. He may start something and forget what he intended to do.

This weekend Garrett gave me some time to go shopping on Friday evening and to the grocery store on Saturday. I didn't notice anything markedly different until Sunday. He woke up a little earlier than usual, ate his breakfast, wouldn't take a shower. So what? I grabbed a quick shower, but never managed to get the make-up on. He was extremely anxious, wired, distraught, for loss of a better word. He usually takes a nap mid afternoon, but he literally would just lay down. In about 3 minutes, he'd had his nap. He was paranoid over every phone call I got. He was in to everything he could find if it meant moving a piece of trash from the trash can to the table. I get exasperated with Trent and may loose my temper on the weekend. This weekend was different, this was fear, his and mine. I plan another call to the psychiatrist tomorrow. He's in Pampa today. I hope he has a plan that can at least allow Trent to have some peace and rest.

Garrett came by last night after going to church. They had given him a 'going away party'. I think that pleased him. He'll miss that group so much. Sometime during the party he gave his testimonial. I know he's told his friends about us before. This time he said he fell apart. I couldn't imagine that he hadn't cried about this. I don't miss many days. I know he's having tugging at his heart about putting two hours distance between us, especially now. Yet, I know and he does too that he's committed to this move. It is the opportunity that one in his profession can hardly walk away from.

I spoke to Brett yesterday and asked him to call me everyday for awhile. If I can't get my arms around my boys, I need to feel their love and support in their words. I love them more than they can imagine. As Brett has told me before, "Mom, we can take you financially destitute, but we can't take you crazy." Right now, words to live by.