I'm trying again to look at what is best for the 3 of us, Mom, Trent, and myself. It seems I'm always trying to re-evaluate. Sometimes they have been good changes for one but not the other two. I wish there were some clear answers so I would ask you to pray that God can give me more clarity when I make decisions for the next 2 months and beyond, of course. But I do foresee some very important issues to be decided within the next month or two.
Trent's sisters are finally coming to see him over the Memorial Day weekend. I don't know how to give them a true picture. Lyndia always wants to know why things happen, why would Trent do that? I don't know how to tell someone how truly illogical his decisions can be or why he has to have someone watching him 24/7. How do you explain 'sundowning'? Why does he spit out a mouthful of food and then eat everything on his plate? And when you see it, does it make anymore sense? Does it never make you angry even if you do understand he can't help it, can't remember having done anything? Believe me when I say, in spite of having an "academic background" which would say I have a pretty good understanding of what is happening as well as "personal experience" with my Dad, I still get angry, very angry. I know part of it is the anger that I experience because I've lost the future that I hoped Trent and I would have. Part of my anger is at myself because I can't do this alone. A great deal of my anger comes when I just can't take it anymore and there is no one to give it to. Yes, and more. So you breakdown, grab the Kleenex, blow your nose, and say, "Get it together! Come on, right now! Get it together."
Yes, I do have some friends that do help some. However, when I'm at the point I'm talking about, I should have called someone 2 hours earlier either to give myself a reprieve or to help get him to settle down.
I know some of you understand very well my situation. I'm grateful to have your support. Keep praying that I have clarity and throw in more patience, please.
I seem to have found a song that ministers to me tonight. I hope I can add it from Sweet Nothings.
2 comments:
I cannot imagine, but know that I love ya and that you are in my prayers. I pray for clarity, strength, courage, peace for you and for a day soon of answers and reprieve.
You are right ....you can't do it alone and you can't feel badly about that. I will pray for you and I hope that you gain some answers and have peace with in your heart. God Bless You.
Sherry
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