One's Take on Family

As a daughter and an only child, I've always perceived myself as the one taking care of my parents. As our family moved, I asked that we never be more than a day's drive from my parents, even when they were in their best health. As soon as I was able to convince Mom to move closer, they did. Van Horn did not offer them adequate medical care and the closest was 2 hours away. I found a house for them here about 5 minutes from the house. My Dad past 16 years ago now. Mom is 86 and I'm trying to keep her in her home with her dog as long as she wants and her mental and physical health will allow.

Six years ago into my life crept a thief attacking my Mom and my husband. That thief was dementia or Alzheimer's disease. I guess that I always assumed that my boy's would want to take care of us. We have good medical care here and close friends who have known Trent before his mental state began to slip. I guess as is the saying, "Assume means to make an ass out of "u" and "me". Taking care of us has one meaning to me and another to the boys. I talk to Brett on the phone and he certainly has the sympathetic ear but has moved 2 hours further from us and is working a 12 month contract. Garrett is here but doesn't freely lend a hand. I've tried to have talks with him and express that I'm unable to be driver, bill payer, grocery shopper, pill manager, and complete oversee-or for 2 households and 4 animals with out frequent help. Garrett doesn't ever check in on Granny without being asked to and then he takes care of the specifics. It is about the same here but he will on occasion drop by. I've really tried to be as available to him as I could because I don't want us to be a total liability. The feeling I get is that that is how he views us.

I guess he's laid out the news to us. Within a couple of months, he's anticipating moving a couple of hours away. Right now the thought of being more than 30 minutes away from him makes me cry. I am so overwhelmed more with the rapid progression of Trent's disease process. I have to get him dressed much like a 4 year old each morning. I have to tell him to shower, change clothes, shave, brush his teeth, and take his pills over and over. I suspect that I will change to doing it for him sooner than later and his 'mads' are more frequent, but don't have any lasting effect.

Garrett feels I'm guilting him into staying in the situation here. I probably am but he obviously doesn't let guilt get to him or has none. When I mentioned his coming back each weekend to help, he told me he couldn't do that and establish himself as a dentist in the community.

That leaves me relying on others for help or relief and the only family that Mom or Trent have to watch them loose their memories and abilities. God has allowed me to make deep friendships. I never thought it was to be my total support in times like these.